Famous Mennonites

Hey! Has anyone ever told you that guitar-god Jimmy Hendrix was a Mennonite? No?

It’s because he wasn’t.

There is a very old web page in existence on teh internets. It will pop up if you are naïve enough to google “famous Mennonites.” The page has a list of barely noteworthy individuals (except for a couple cases,) that are purported to be Mennonite. The sources for these so-called “famous” mennos are mostly long gone web pages and sketchy at best. Why?

THERE ARE NO FAMOUS MENNONITES.

Fellow Mennonites, I am sorry. The truth of the matter is this: Mennonites have never mattered in the great scheme of things. And they never will.

But be of good cheer! I’m taking a couple posts to cover this topic! Fdsakdsajk!

Let’s start off the with people that weren’t/aren’t Mennonites:

Harrison Ford, Nelson Mandela,Tank Man, Tank Man, TANK MAN!, Albert Einstein, Ferris Bueller, Ghandi, President Barack Hussein Obama, Gilbert & Sullivan, my drama lit teacher from high school, Chevy Chase, William Blake, Joe Strummer, Captain Planet, Julia Roberts, Robert Deniro, Marlin Brando, Montgomery Clift, James Dean, Leonard Nimoy, Regina Spektor, The Kinks, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire, Robert Redford, Eleanor Roosevelt and her husband, Watson, Crick, or Rosalind Franklin, Denzel Washington, Willa Cather, everyone else that has ever mattered.

Whew, that sure was wistful, yet oddly therapeutic! Next, people that we’re glad weren’t/aren’t Mennonites:

Adolph Hitler, Bernie Madoff, Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon, Lee Harvey Oswald, Lenin, Stalin, Mussolini, Tiger Woods, Scarlet O’Hara, Vince Vaun, David Bowie, Kahn.

Okay, that part was nice. I almost feel better about myself.

Tags: "Famous Mennonites", Harrison Ford