Obscure Mennonites on the List

I spent this entire week guffawing my way through those on our beloved list that are PURPORTED to be Mennonite, while ignoring the obscure figures that actually ARE Mennonite. So here they are, in the order that they appear on the list:

-Menno Simons, a former Catholic priest upon whose teachings the Mennonite denomination was based. Well no shit, list maker. Thank you for… that.

-Martin Boehm, who apparently helped to found the United Brethren Church. Don’t care.

-“Owen Gingerich, senior astronomer emeritus at the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory.” Blah, blah, blah.

-William Rittenhouse, who owned the first printing press in Pennsylvania and was appointed by George Washington to be the first director of the US mint. It must have felt good for Will, touching all that money AND NEVER SPENDING ANY.

But wait? Who are these shining gems??

-Orie J. Eigsti, inventor of the seedless watermelon? I LOVE seedless watermelons!! Finally, a Menno I can be proud of!!

-And Floyd Landis! If you don’t know, he was the cyclist that had first place in the Tour de France taken from him after urine samples revealed elevated levels of testosterone in his system. I’m not going to kick the guy while he’s down. This blog is for fun, not an excuse to be cruel to people. I will only say one thing: seeing as he was a Mennonite accused of doping, I was pretty shocked to hear that they were talking about steroids.

On a final note, I googled and goggled, and you know what I found? The Mormons have their own SITE devoted to famous Mormons! They even have a page on it devoted to bad ones! And these are genuinely famous people!

So come on Mennos! Let’s get our shit together! Be more like Floyd!

Tags: "Famous Mennonites", Be more like Floyd!