Today I’m going to debunk one of the biggest names on the “Famous Mennonites” list. Number three going down, JC Chasez. As for the rest of the posers on the page, in the words of Frank Costanza: Quiet, you, you’ll get yours in a minute!
I must admit, I was never on the N’Sync Bandwagon as a child. If it were not for the little explanation next to his name, I would have ended up saying “Hehe, Jesus Christ Chasez,” and moving on the the other unfamiliar names. (Because I do this whenever someone’s first two initial are “JC.”) But knowing that this person purported to be a Menno was in fact part of a BOY BAND from the NINETIES was cause for me to address this debauchery immediately. It’s time to set the record strait.
Why Jesus Christ Chasez, formerly of the blight upon society known as N’Sync, is NOT a Mennonite:
1) He has the same initials as our Lord and Savior. This demonstrates a severe lack of humility. For Shame!!
2) No self-respecting Menno takes moody, black and white self portraits. Unless they’re some asshole “artiste” undergrad from Lancaster county. Which JC is not.
3) A true Mennonite doesn’t wear shiny, nonbiodegradable material without a REAL reason, which we see JC donning in this here photo. (courtesy of people.com.)
Chernobyl produced this material before the meltdown.
Some of you haters out there are all “But dang, mennotable, that’s a B-Ball uniform! They’re getting their game on!” BUT “B-BALL” UNIFORMS ARE NOT PART OF OUR WAYS, HEATHEN! Unless we are actually PLAYING B-Ball and not being posers!
4) Mennos don’t do highlights. See how they make his hair pop out in a Wordly manner in this photo!
5) A true Menno would never write or sing a song entitled “God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You.” And he/she would never be caught dead singing lines such as:
“In all of creation
All things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all”
or
“On you…
(on you, on you, on you, you….on you, on you, on you, you..) ohhh…
(on you, on you, on you, you….on you, on you, on you, you..) yeah…”
As a general rule, we hate vain repetition in music. Unless it happens to be in 606 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tolskYT55R0&feature=related):
6) Lastly, and most importantly, a true Menno doesn’t dance in public, let alone on a stage. Never, ever, ever, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would a Menno EVER participate in such a Worldy, Idolatrous act!
Well, sometimes we do.
The Mennonite Table 
